Schackenborg, Sønderjylland December the 24th 2010
Joachim: The first thing I learned as a child was, don't feel sorry for yourself!
They sat me down on the cold floor as a baby and when I started
to cry, they all laughed and laughed. It taught me a valuable lesson.
We are on A and B - teams by the way. Frederik and Mor are the
A-team, meaning their words is our law and they are Mini-Gods in
our Olympia, the predators in our jungle, ...well you get my drift.
I belong to the B-team together with my father and I was always
fine with this. My father had a few problems with his status but
let us not step through that French daisy field of exploding
landmines. Hear no evil, see no evil. Being on the B-team means
that if things go hay-wire we take the fall. I have always known
this and am fine with it.
Then I married Alex and had two sons. Nikolai and Felix made me
question what I always took for granted; the idea that I was
second best. When two pairs of eyes look at you like you are
the beginning and the end to them, it is uncomfortable to crawl
into the role the family carved out for you as a spare. Why should
I be a second class citizen in our universe? Why should I let my
boys be the punchingbag to Frederik's horrid gargoyles?
Look at little Henrik as he tries to walk. His little cupid face and
giraffe eyes looking up at you. Could I sacrifice this unspoiled child
on the family's altar and see him turn cynical and somber as he
slowly realizes his position in life? Like Nikolai is beginning to.
He knows too much already now. Will he respect me in the future
or will he get his mother's eyes when she realized I had chosen
the part as scapegoat over my family?
Marie: I am finally in a perfectly happy family. Ever since my mama and
papa were divorced I have missed having a family and now I have it.
A huge, happy, uncomplicated family. Just look at them, Joachim
with his worrylines. Mother in law smiling blissfully. Henrik Sr. playing
hide and go seek with the boys. I love my boys. Of course...
if Frederik, Mary and the petit enfants had been here, it might not
have so peaceful. I don't know why, but whenever Mary's in the
room I feel this numbing cramp between my shoulderblades. I also
get a cramp in my jaw from smiling when she never smiles back.
I guess it is my fault all along. After all everyone else seems to love
her. Especially the media. Well, oh la la. We might be bosom friends
one day and wont I feel silly then thinking like this!
Margrethe: I guess death could be postponed a few days? It is pretty here,
at the end of the world. Though the countryside is as flat as
a pancake, it is picturesque. The frozen grass straws thaw slowly,
warmed by the frail winter sun, reflecting its light in the tiny melting
drops. It is said that when mist floats alongside the surface of the
fields, Mosekonen, the woman of the bog, is brewing in her big black
pot. She is an ugly woman with foul manners but still manages
to lure pretty young men to her bed.
I wonder what Mary is up to right now? Probably worshiping a brown
stick devoid of any color or religious symbols. I should never have
allowed a pietist in the family. My bad.
Henrik Sr: This jungle is fascinating to explore if only the pygmees weren't so
darn cheeky. There they are again! Three of them. Away with you
tiny beasts, I fear you not! You will not have my jug of wine.
I made this myself. It is the nectar of the gods, the true milk of
human kindness. To prove it you can take a sip. Only we royals
can drink it. To everyone else the taste turn to vinegar in your
mouth.
Henrik Jr. Grand-pa! Don't run away! (Giggles)
Felix: I love Schackenborg. I love chasing the ghost of Count Schack
most of all. He runs from me whenever he sees me, but I'll catch
him and throw him out. This castle's mine!
Nikolai: It's a different Christmas than two years ago. No pale children
biting my ankles. No phony armwrestling I'm forced to lose so
Christian can build up selfesteem. No firebreathing wildeyed
auntie lighting the Christmas candles wiith her mouth. Strange.
It's warm and cozy and fun and nice here. Just like home.
Amalienborg, Copenhagen December the 24th, 2010.
John D.: Aye, the plan to colonize the western hemisphere with pale scottish
gnomes are going along nicely. Four seeds planted so far in the
european soil and much more to come. And they thought the
Scottish nation was beaten! Brew-ha-ha-ha! Eh cough. In twenty
years there will be John Donaldson-clones in every royal house and
finally the picts will be vindicated!
Susan: Where am I? Whom am I? Why does my head go from side to side?
Does true love exist? Do I have my thumbs screwed on right? Why
do I hear crickets chirping? Why is it that no one understands me
but Martha Louise?
Frederik: It seemed like a good idea at the start. Be your own man. Sever
all ties to Joachim and the family and be a Donaldson through and
through. But...I thought it would be different somehow. Warmer.
Nicer. I wonder what Joachim is doing right now?
Isabella: 3 years and 6 months. That leaves 14 years and 6 months. That will
be...5164 days in this beige hell! My tongue feels numb and dry just
thinking of that. Water. I need water.
Christian: I asked Santa for a bazooka to kill Grandpa John. It wont miss his
belly. Or perhaps I'll fire a rocket up under his kilt? I'll use a big
kitchen knife on Daddy's throat just like I saw him do to that rabbit
and Susan I'll drown in the bathtub after I've filled it with sugarwater.
Isabella? Hm. I'm still considering...I always wanted to see what color
her blood was, red or blue, but perhaps I should keep her alive
to take the blame for me...that is, the only one in the world who
could stop me is my grandmother and she would never take sides
against her own family, no matter who we kill.
Mommy? I thought I would let her live but lately she acts like she
has the right to bully me, so I'll cut off her head with an axe, if
I can find one. Oh, there's a beige colored gift with my name on it.
It says: From Mommy to Christian with love. An machete!
Thank you Santa! I'll take out Mommy first. And to all a good night!
Mary: I am now nine months pregnant and my stomach is huge! It's the size
of a tennis ball! Take that jealous bitches bullying me on the internet!
I just finished dancing my usual reindeer poll dance, antlers and all,
wrapping my legs 'round the high tech stainless steel chrissietree and
everyone loved it. Daddy let me sit on his lap while I unwrapped his
special pressie for me, a new pair of fishnet tights. He called me his
little bit on the side and Susan laughed and laughed until we had
to put a bag over her head.
I finally had to take Frederik's cell phone from him, since he kept
trying to call Joachim. I mean, how pathetic is that? You should think
they were twins or some-ink. He has me! What possible relationship
could he have with Joachim? They've been together over fourty years,
enough already! What's there left to talk about? I mean, I only speak
to my siblings a few seconds, before they hand the phone to someone
else. That's normal. The other thing's just sick!
Daddy? Can Mary-wary sit on your wap again? Why is Susan pulling
him away from me? Daddy? Daddy!
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